Is there an ideal person for everyone? Do most people find the one who is most ideal for them? Yes, I believe both questions can be answered in the affirmative, because I believe that people can change & adapt over time to another person.

I’m not talking drastic changes, like facial structure or other unnatural adjustments, but subtle things like learning to like “Always Sunny” or beginning to tolerate a genre of music you originally despised.

I believe an ideal person is someone who is a complimentary piece to your puzzle. Not necessarily a complete opposite – otherwise, how would you get anything accomplished or enjoy the other person’s company/hobbies? I think people who claim “opposites attract” only mean initially. An opposite can, and usually does, adjust to become a complimentary person. If not, then the couple obviously isn’t meant to be.

My ideal partner does exist. He’s morphed and shifted his characteristics as I’ve grown, matured, and have adjusted what I thought to be ideal as boyfriends have come and gone.

Intelligent, but never condescending. Attractive, but not a ‘pretty boy.’ Those usually either have no brains or they’re gay. Enjoys some of the same hobbies I do, but also has his own hobbies separate from mine. A willingness to try new things, even if he might feel awkward about it at first. I’m talking in all realms of a relationship – social, intimate, ect. A strong desire to take me out & show me off when I’m looking my best, not wanting to hide me away for fear of being ’stolen away.’ He has the ability to stand up to me when I’m being a bitch, but not cruelly. He knows when not to walk away and when not to follow when I walk out of the room in a rage. He enjoys sharing his family & friends with me, and is willing to associate with mine. He knows how to react to my snark, and knows how to dish out his own. He knows better than to demand a behavioral change outright, but knows how to subtly adjust it over time. But he also knows when to just let my bad habits slide.

So, with that laundry list of characteristics, is there anyone that fits my bill? Yes, I believe so. I’ve been dating him for the past two and a half months.

FOREWARNING – This post is a little more sexual in nature than my other posts. If you’re uncomfortable with that, please find something else to read.

I’ve had some rough relationships in my past. Most of them are emotionally scarring, fortunately never physically. And it’s usually my fault. They were never abusive, no. The problem was that I was ’settling.’ I would find a guy who was attracted to me, find him charming (or at the least mildly entertaining) and latch on. If I happened to find myself falling out of ‘love’ with them, I’d just hang around and deal until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I know that’s not the best way, but I’m not good with breaking up. The way I usually deal with my most strongest of emotions is to bottle them up and put them to the side while I deal with life. The one time I let my emotions stay out and play, they got a little roughed up.

I met him before I left my ex fiance – we actually worked together at the video game store until I got a new job. We began dating shortly after I left my fiance, it was probably a bad idea. He was younger than me, under legal drinking age, and it was frustrating to find things for us to do because I enjoyed the bar scenes (what few we have here) but he wouldn’t be able to join me. He was the only one who had (yet) been able to make my chest burst into a blush at the apex of our love-making. The only one who had (yet) made me actually want it, to keep going after the first climax, to lay for a few moments to gather the strength to do it all over again. He was also the only one (yet) that I had said “I love you” to and really thought I meant it. Funny side note – we actually forced the hinges of my futon frame out of their proper shape in our heated escapades. I learned through MySpace and deductive reasoning that he’d been cheating on me since February. It was April/May 2005, shortly before my little brother’s highschool graduation and my trying a long-distance relationship with an older man, before dating my most current ex.

To have poured that much emotion into a relationship for me was originally unheard of. I’d never fully dived into a relationship as passionately as I had with him. To have it all blown out of the water as devastatingly as it had then was disastrous to my emotional state. I locked up my deepest of emotions in a very small box and it’s been buried deeply for a long time.

My recent ex and I had been dating for nearly two years, and I have had mostly unsatisfactory physical relations with him. I say mostly because while he could sometimes produce the desired physical reactions from me, the emotional reactions were mainly nonexistent.

I keep waiting for someone to come along and make me feel like I used to. To dig up that box and release all those locked emotions to the sun again. I’ve tried to become more cautious though, and can’t bear the thought of becoming even more hurt than I already am. It’s not always worked, and I’ve set myself up for let downs in the last few months, but at least I’m still willing to pick myself up and try again.

I’ll end this entry by saying I’m not looking for pity. I don’t believe I need help – writing this out, for me, is helping enough. I just needed to get this out and off my chest. I would like to be able to heal this life-wound as best I can and move along. I think I will soon.

This week’s been pretty rough for me. And for a few people who are close to me.

My friends are battling a deadline to get out of their old apartment and into a new one. They’ve been packing for at least two weeks.

I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday night. I tried to make it as painless as possible, but I ended up leaving, hearing him sobbing in his apartment as I went down the building’s stairwell. I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten some things in his place, but most of it he’ll probably throw away.

This has been a while in the making, and only spurred into action by my desire to leave Hagerstown. This place is just simply not up to my speed. Entertainment is next to nothing around here. Not to mention that I’m three hours away from my friends. So, in about 6 to 10 months, I’d like to find myself in Richmond, living in my own place. We’ll see what happens.