I'm watching you. Yes, you.

I was quite surprised to hear that Expendables 2 was to be released, I had thought for certain the first film hadn’t had enough draw to warrant a second. But there was the announcement, so I waited & when I saw the previews and trailers I was genuinely excited.

It has pretty much every action star you can think of. Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren. Even Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme were unpacked from their mothballed storage lockers and strapped in for an adrenaline ride.

One surprise was Liam Hemsworth, who I originally thought was Chris Hemsworth, his brother. Both extremely attractive, they definitely could write themselves off as twins.

The film leads in with a bang, lots of blood spilled, sprayed, and flung around. This time they (the team in the film, not the film itself) seemed to have more funding or whatever, with siege toys and all sorts of fancy equipment to get them into and out of sticky spots. The action only lulled for a short time, at which I had to leave for the restroom or struggle through the remainder of the film. I got back just before a new action scene started up, so I guess I have decent timing.

When I went to see it, I went alone on a Tuesday morning. The first viewing of the day, and I was in a theater with three other men. I was severely disappointed when I realized I was the only one laughing out loud to the jokes and quips the actors threw around that were reminiscent of their film careers past. I was happy to see that Chuck Norris actually told his own Chuck Norris joke.

I was sitting in the theater for the longest time trying to puzzle through who the bad guy was. He had a very odd accent, and I could swear I should know who this person was. Finally I realized it was Van Damme!! Once I finally figured out that Van Damme was the villain, I was amused to learn that his character’s name is Vilain. Pronounced vill-ayne, but still. Vilain. Somebody was at a loss for character names.

Fun fact: Norris hadn’t been in any films since 2005. He’s going to be in a film directed by his youngest brother to be released summer of next year.

While I had it in my head that Van Damme hasn’t been in anything since Street Fighter in 1995, he’s actually been steadily busy in various things that don’t make much publicity. He’s got a Universal Soldier series that will have its fourth installment released in November of this year.

Funny side story: one of the movie patrons brought in a half-gallon of milk, and something else he was eating. I couldn’t tell what it was, but I guess he had missed breakfast.

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